Santa and the Bull

BantaSingh saw an exhausted Santa Singh running up to him.
What happened to you Santaji?"
"There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today."
"Oh really, what happened?"
"I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive!He almost got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"That"s scary Santaji. If it'd been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."
"Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"

Santa jokes

Everybody was angry with the hike in petrol prices

Santa: Sir, why are you so angry?

Sir: The petrol price is increasing day-by-day, this is not fair. Santaji, you don't look worried?

Santa: Why should i worry. For me it is the same price.

Sir: how come?

Santa: Earlier also i filled for Rs 100 now also i fill for rs 100!
Sir: ???????????

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Santa and boss
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?

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Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.

Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

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banta: you cheated me.

shopkeeper: no, i sold a good radio to you.

banta: radio label shows made in japan but radio says this is all india radio!

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nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.

santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her!

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Santa: My wife is still scared of water

Banta: how come?

Santa: yesterday when i went home, she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!

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Santa makes fool of water
Santa: today I made a fool of water?

Banta: how did you do that?

Santa: I heated some water for a bath and bathed with cold water

More Sardar jokes

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
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2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ....
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it be comes deaf......"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry num be r is also written...BC 1760!!!....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father in the essay and it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks be hind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... ..

juss 4 fun..do not take it as personal..

GREAT SARDAR JI

An American, an Italian, a Turk and a Sardar met.

American: I'm proud of our CIA. They know whatevever's happening in the world, often before it happens.

Italian: I'm proud of our women. They're the most beautiful and proud and not easy to be "had".

Turk: I'm proud of our carpets...true works of art. No one can make carpets of such high quality.

Then they all looked at the silent Sardar, waiting for his response. They asked: What are you proud of?

Sardar: I'm proud of myself!

They all asked: Why?

Sardar: Last week I screwed an Italian woman on a Turkish carpet...

And the CIA knew nothing about it

What an Awesome answer

t was a hot meeting at the conference hall, all the people from the dept were called in, the VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad my friend asked "Hey, What is this meeting about?"

I told him may be the would decide when to have another meeting and chuckled.

People though nervous smiled at each other, then the VP started talking.

He said about the recent attrition rate was so high around 10 people had put in their papers, all experienced guys. It was the quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP.

The VP then turned to the manger and told "Hey take how much ever resources you want recruit or take them from other departments, but complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man."

To this the sweet manager humbly replied

"Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results, Don't give me nine wives and one month, I cannot do anything."�

Everyone looked at him blank!

The VP did not have anything else to say and just walked away.... What an awesome answer.

Telangana bharatam

"TELANGANA BHARATAM"
bardavajudu:- andaru vinundri arjun leka banam kotetollu gida evaru leru..

karnudu:- gatlaenduku antav saru..gida nenu lena...

bardvaja:- nuvvu evaru vai...

..karnudu:- karnuni...

. bardvaj;- a kulam vai nedi.

...karnundu:-...madi...china kulam.

. bardvaj:-..khkhkhk..china kulapodivi hahah..banam kodta antav po edkeli

duryodanudu:-em matladutunav saru...aptinunchi sustuna kulam gurinchi baga tistunav...... gida kulam potilu nadustunaya..banala potilu nadustunaya...khkhkh em saru nuvvu kulam gurinchi matladutunava..hahahha me nayna di a kulam saru..ne gunam gurinchi gida evarini telvanda... nuvvu matti kunda la puttinav nedi a kulam... gida kusuna gi shantanavudu shiva samudrudaina ganga garbam la puttaleda. ginadi a kulam.... heheheh..ega chepukunta pothe ma kutumbam motam oka kulapollam kadu.. ega salu gani sapudadaka kuso........

DAD how was i born

"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,


"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."



"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."



Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

A serious computer problem

A Serious Computer Problem

"Word Perfect Technical Desk, may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!"

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

TELUGU DICTIONARY

Words from Telugu Dictionary

Doola

1. (n) surplus energy
usage: vaadiki konchem doola ekkuva!
2. (adj) possessing surplus energy
usage: vaadu oka doola gaadu!
3. (n) any activity aimed at venting out surplus energy
usage: enduku vaadiki aa doola?


Thope:

thope(n)
1)potugadu/potugatte
Usage:vaadu picha thope


Dobbu: (verb):

The act of undercurrent humiliation in the guise of cloyingly psychopathic praise.
Usage: ippudu nuvvu nannu pogidaava? dobbava?..



Avidea

1) Idea ported to pakka South Indian village english.
usage : orei nuvvu cheppina avidea valla nenu eeroju vaadi daggara nunchi thappinchukunnara.


Boku: (noun)

A person who is considered good for nothing, but does things that are usually unusual.Found in large numbers between the age group 15-25 in big villages, towns and even in cities.
Root word: Poramboku.
Usage: aado bokugaadu raa..
Related words:Gaali.


Bongu: (Interjection and Noun)

A word expressed in disapproval of something,devoiding the other person, any chance of continuing the argument.....
Usage:
Char1: Adi ala ayyi undochhu kada...
Char2: Bongu raa..ala ayye chance ledu....
Related words: tokka,bokka.


Sollu: (noun)

1) An unending saga of irrelevant gossiping, encompassing a plethora of topics like
Cricket, Cinema, Politics, College, Gals, Boys and almost anything under the sun,barring Studies.
Usage: aapandra babu mee sollu..
Related words: Sollugadu


Nee Enkamma: (interjection)

1)A word that used by most telugu ppl involuntarily esp. when irritated by somebody or something.
Origin: Considered to be coined by brahmanandam in chitram bhalare vichitram.
Related words: Nee yabba,nee ayya, …….


Racha cheyyi: (v)

meaning: rechipoyi..petrigipo...
usage: baboi..maama ikkada nuvvu levu kada..inka vaadu racha chesestunnadu.


Lite teesko: (v)

Ignore every thing and chill out.
Usage: enduku basu feel avutavu. Lite teesko.


Keka: (adj,interjection)

Used to describe something toooooooooooooooo gud.
Usage: kotha dressaa? Keka.
Related words: Katti, arupu.

FUNNY ONE LINERS

* I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,

she said: Cheque books.

* The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

* What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

* What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

* Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

* Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet onthe mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir. Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

* Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

* Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why? Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Hilarious Husband Vs. Wife Jokes

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."

"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."

The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

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From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "

The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

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 " Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

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A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

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One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

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A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,

"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."

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A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."

One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

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A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.

"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
 

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

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